What I Learned About Not Drinking Alcohol Again

Natasha sitting on a wall looking out towards the sea.

My Journey to Becoming Alcohol Free

I haven't drank alcohol since July 2022. After having Covid for the first time that summer I was ill for a while and of course didn't drink alcohol. Then when I discovered that I was pregnant I didn't drink. I thought that I would probably go back to having the odd drink at some point in the future after I gave birth. Yet, much to a few people's surprise, I haven't drank since. 

Back in my university days, and up until around my mid 20's, I loved going on night outs and having cocktails during lunch dates. After I finished university I significantly reduced how often I went on a night out and I only drank on special occasions (which wasn't very often). I was never really someone who would have a drink at home to de-stress or to simply have a drink.

How I Stopped Drinking 

During my pregnancy, I didn't think ahead about what my social life would look like and what activities I would do after having my child. I had the mindset that I would take each day as it came. Even to this day, now as a toddler mum, I don't plan too far ahead. I've been enjoying going mode with my instincts and following the flow of life.

When I started breastfeeding I didn't want to drink and after 9 months of not even craving alcohol during my pregnancy, I started wondering:

“Do I even want to drink again?”

There are aspects of my old pre-motherhood life that can feel nostalgic at times such as going to the gym whenever I wanted and having a full night's sleep every night. 

Yet, when I started thinking about my old life I didn't miss going out for a drink. Basically overnight, I started to prefer being at home in the evenings and embracing cosy life. Now almost all of my socialising is done during the day or messaging when I have the mental energy and time to reply (my inbox is rarely sitting at zero notifications). And if I do go out in the evening I'm usually not out later than 8.30pm!

Neurodivergence and Alcohol 

Motherhood has brought a huge identity shift and it's taken me on a journey to finding and embracing who I am. It's brought the realisation that I have late-identified ADHD and Dyscalculia. In relation to alcohol, I began reflecting which led me to the realisation that for a long time I used drinking as a way to feel more confident in social environments. I remember when I was at uni that I would ‘need’ to have a drink before going out to a bar/club with my friends. 

Luckily, I was someone who didn't suffer from bad hangovers the majority of the time and I would just need lots of sleep to recover. Looking back, my impulsiveness increased when I had a drink. I was more impulsive than usual after drinking on a night out. Mostly with my spending habits and wanting to buy lots of post night out food. 

Until I started researching, doing self-assessment screenings, and being in contact with medical practitioners I didn’t realise that I have many signs and symptoms of ADHD. I now recognise that I've always been impulsive, and I sometimes still am. Now that I know this, I’ve been working on decreasing my impulsivity, it’s a work in progress! My mum had never told me she thought I was impulsive until I started speaking to her about my realisation of having ADHD, which is when she told me “I’ve always thought you’ve been impulsive.”

Outside of drinking, my impulsiveness in my late teens and early twenties was buying new outfits and saying yes to things without taking time to stop and think before making a decision. After I stopped drinking, I realised that not only had I used drinking as a way to make socialising easier, but I had also been masking my neurodivergence. There are many things that I didn't know were associated with ADHD, particularly for girls and women. When I started putting the pieces together from my life, I noticed that I hadn't fully been living as myself for a long time. 

This made me ask myself: 

“Who even am I?” 

Finding a Purpose

After becoming a mum, many years of attaching my identity to my career, realising I'm neurodivergent, and not drinking anymore. I realised that I didn't fully feel connected to who I was and what I valued in life. 

I knew that when I was at home I was fully myself. What I didn't know is that not everyone had mental tabs constantly overlapping, or masked in daily life. On the outside I’m very organised with planning things, but on the inside I have non-stop thoughts all the time. I even sleep talk which is possibly my brain talking aloud from having such an overactive mind! Part of the way that I’ve always tried to manage my brain being so busy, on a conscious and subconscious level, is by writing/typing things down and trying to make sense of what I should be prioritising.

Although I still find it hard to prioritise tasks and get motivated some days, I know that my brain can get overstimulated. I’ve been exploring ways to decompress and reduce sensory and cognitive overload.

Once I started reevaluating what was important to me and how I wanted my life to look, I began feeling like I was coming home to myself and following my inner compass in relation to the direction I want to go in life.

I knew that I would need to take steps out of my comfort zone to get there which wouldn't feel comfortable. However, I knew it was the only way I would grow and start feeling like myself!

I uncovered that my purpose in life, outside of being a mum, is using my voice and writing.

At the start of my journey of self-discovery I became clearer that one of my core values is authenticity. I realised that I had been hiding who I was and not using my voice to be fully authentic in how I showed up in the world. I wanted to find a way to express myself and inspire others to connect back to themselves. By not fully speaking my truth, trying to ignore my intuition and feeling like I needed to hide parts of myself I knew deep down that I wasn’t living how I could be. Which in turn, meant that I was holding myself back from growing as a person and connecting with others from a place of masking myself.

This is why after feeling like I didn’t have a sense of identity and purpose that was in alignment with how I wanted to be living I now help other mums find their purpose in life so they can develop a deep sense of self-worth about how they can fully be themselves beyond motherhood 

Conclusion & Next Steps

Showing up authentically in online and in person life and letting go of masking is an ongoing journey that I’m embracing and continuing to keep moving outside of my comfort zone.

When you’re ready to start uncovering who you are and what you want for your life outside of motherhood, here are a few ways I can support you based on my 6-step VOICES Framework:

Flutter into Purpose - 6-month 1:1 coaching to fully uncover how you want to feel and who you want to become in life beyond motherhood. 

Deep Dive - 90 minute experience where we uncover what’s holding you back and what actions you can take towards what you want in life outside of motherhood.

Inner Compass - Monthly audio membership and coaching space where you can begin trusting yourself and moving forward in the direction you want in life to step into your identity.