Discovering a Purpose Outside Motherhood

When you become a mum, your whole life changes.

Part of that change and something that isn't spoken about as often as physical changes is the identity shift/loss.

What you used to tie to your identity and what purpose you had in life can change which can leave you wondering“Who even am I?”

This blog post shares my experiences of finding myself again as a new mum and ways you can go through your journey to discovering who you are outside of motherhood.

Getting back to being a person outside of a mother

A few years ago, I realised that for my whole working life I had tied my identity to my career.

This led me to start a journey of self-discovery during my final trimester of pregnancy. I started to question what my new life would look like as I prepared to embark on the new adventure motherhood would bring.

After the first few extremely sleep deprived months of the postpartum period, I decided to create small pockets of time and use bits of my mental energy to start uncovering who I was outside of being a mum and my career.

During this journey I soon started realising that I was someone who late identified as having ADHD and Dyscalculia. Which led me further to question and explore who I really was and how I actually wanted to start living my life while unmasking.

When you think about getting back to being a person outside of a mother it can feel like an overwhelming task of knowing where to start and not something that you have much time to do.

Rather than thinking you need to instantly do a full life overhaul, it can be useful to take smaller actions to gradually build up to who you would like to be and choose what you want your life to look like beyond motherhood.

Navigating Career and Motherhood

After becoming a mum the career and work life you had before can be something you feel excited to go back to or you might start feeling a shift in what you want to do.

When you've had a career before becoming a mum it can feel overwhelming thinking about how you can pursue your career while being a mum. You might even wonder if you want to continue on the same career path or go in a new direction.

You could be someone who is going back to your previous job after maternity, looking at different jobs/opportunities or becoming a stay at home mum.

Despite all being different experiences, they have the common connection that you're evaluating your life priorities from a new perspective post motherhood.

There will likely also be similar thoughts and feelings that come up across all these different options.

“What if I don't go back to work?”

“I'm exhausted even thinking about how everything is going to work out.”

“How am I going to fit in work around family life and childcare?”

I know how challenging carrying the mental load during motherhood can be. The often unspoken and hidden aspects of being a mum that no one seems to much about or prepare you for before motherhood. This can feel even more so of a change if you're neurodivergent.

This can leave having the headspace and motivation to even begin exploring knowing who you are and what you want for your life as an impossible task.

It almost felt like my brain was doing mental gymnastics trying to figure out how many hours I could work, what childcare (if any I would have), how I would have the energy between sleep deprivation and breastfeeding.

Having a career can give you a feeling of purpose outside of motherhood. However, career isn't the only way you can have a purpose. There are other ways that you can feel more fulfilled in life. When you spend time thinking about what your values are, you can start thinking about what you do and don't want to have in your life.

How do I do it all as a mum?

Have you ever felt like you have to do everything and “have it all as a mum?”

I always think that mums don’t need another reminder about why they should want to “have it all.” Because “all” isn’t always what you want.

It’s just what you’ve been told to chase and strive for. Even when deep down you know that trying to do it all is exhausting. It might be that you do want to have it all, but having it all at the same time might not feel possible for your season of life at the moment and your circumstances. Which is completely normal.

When I became a mum, I thought “How can I have it all and do everything while raising a child?"

It was tiring even thinking about this, never mind trying to piece together all the jigsaw pieces of life.

That's until I started to ask myself:

What does my “all” look like?

This is when I started thinking about what I valued in life and what was most important to me. I started following my intuition more and using that as my inner compass to make decisions about how my life could look outside of motherhood.

This is what you need space to do, too. You've not had that reassurance that it's ok to miss your old life at the same time as wanting to create a new sense of purpose and finding what you're passionate about in your new life. This can look different to what you were previously interested in which is completely normal.

How to follow your inner compass

You've probably tried saying no to the things that you know would be too much and you simply don't want to do them.

However, at the same time you've likely had a feeling of guilt for not having a ‘real reason’ to not say yes.

So you've end up saying yes and continued to keep filling up your schedule and going and going striving to do it all.

But what if instead you started to follow your inner compass and decided that the direction in life you want to take is up to you?

It's okay to go at your own pace, change your priorities and go with what feels right for you during this season of life.

This is the reason why I guide mums like you to connecting back to what they want in life and empowering them to feel confident along their journey of finding themselves again after motherhood. There's not a right purpose to have while living your life, yet finding a purpose that feels right for you beyond motherhood will bring you more joy.

Which your family will notice the difference too!

Discovering a Purpose Outside Motherhood: Next Steps

When you're ready to stop wishing your life was like someone elses, or saying “When the kids are older” and you know now is the time for you to step fully into discovering what you actually enjoy in life and who you want to be beyond motherhood.

I'm here to support you along the way.

I've worked with mums from all background for the last 8 years. Now being a mum myself and experiencing first hand the highs and lows during motherhood, and life outside of being a mum, I know what it's like.

When you work with me, you'll be encouraged and motivated to start living your life as who you know you really are. Just like I am.

Inner Compass Audio Experience - Discover how to start connecting back to yourself as you follow what brings you joy through gaining momentum to move forward in finding yourself beyond motherhood.

Flutter into Purpose - Experience personalised support to uncover what your purpose is outside of motherhood. Explore how to fully step into living your new life where you confidently show up as you every day.