How to Find an Identity Outside of Being a Mum

As a mum it can sometimes feel like you're in a cycle of asking yourself ‘Who am I now?’ as you go through daily mum life.

Whether that's wanting to feel more confident and connected with your body again or the thoughts that pop up about what gives you a sense of purpose and identity outside of being a mum, it can feel like a rollercoaster of emotions.

You might have waves of nostalgia about your old life, yet there's probably a lot of things that feel far from what you would want to spend your time focusing on now.

If you're someone who has ever thought “I feel like my life is over after having a baby” or “Who even am I anymore?”, remember that although your current life is different from pre-motherhood, you can still find ways to embrace and shape your new life where you can feel like a person outside of being a mum.

As someone who used to attach my identity to my career it was a big mindset shift when I started thinking about who I was outside of my work. In the early postpartum phase, like any other mum, I was consumed by looking after my newborn baby, extremely sleep deprived and any sense of identity beyond motherhood felt like a distant memory.

There can be a tendency to want to try and get your old life back, but you're a different person now. Everyone has a different experience of motherhood, however there will be aspects that mums share.

Whatever stage of motherhood you're currently in, you might have moments of feeling like your sense of identity outside of being a mum has disappeared.

There is a shift that happens that I hadn't heard anyone talk about during my pregnancy. Everyone spoke about the practical changes and balancing act in life. However, I didn't know what to expect in terms of the identity shift that happens. I also didn't fully understand the hidden mental load either.

Values and Identity

I believe that what we value defines our identity.

When you reflect on your core values in life, you can start to build an identity outside of motherhood.

I invite you to spend some time to think about 3-5 values that feel important to you right now. Think about if your current life aligns with the values you identified as being important to you.

If there is a gap between them, how can you bridge it?

You can plan what small actions you can start taking to begin making decisions in life that connect you to what helps you feel like more than ‘mum’.

After taking one step, the other steps won't feel as daunting.

Stepping outside my comfort zone

When I went outside my comfort to do something new (writing and publishing my first book) it felt scary. But, it was exciting at the same time.

I had an internal motivation that kept me taking steps that would move me forward in a new direction. This made me realise how much of a transformation I had been through since becoming a mum.

Pre-motherhood I used to be a big people pleaser and I would second guess myself when making decisions. It wasn't until I became a mum I realised that I hadn’t been using what I valued in life as the foundation for how I lived my daily life.

By acknowledging your values you can become more intentional and your sense of self outside of being a mum, while building your self-esteem along the way.

When you're ready to explore your identity and how to feel more confident after becoming a mum, you can start this journey with my VOICES framework. You can be guided through this step-by-step inside my ebook.

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