Strength and Determination in Motherhood
Some days as a mum, the tiredness hits me and the mental load feels a lot. Motherhood is a continuous journey of building patience, presence, and a non-judgmental attitude towards yourself.
During the moments that seem like I'm in the centre of a storm amongst tantrums and trying to juggle everything outside of mum duties, I return my mind back to one moment when I felt like I was running out of strength.
The day I gave birth.
I experienced contractions for 27 hours before my now toddler arrived into the world. I realised after about 18 hours that my determination and capacity to keep going was a sign of strength. It was the hardest experience I had ever gone through, yet an empowering one at the same time.
During labour I learnt that I could trust myself in the moments that I couldn't control. I had to surrender to what my body was experiencing and accept the physical signals to intuitively know what to do next. The hours merged together and time felt long and invisible at the same time.
The transformative experience changed who I am on all levels.
Navigating the Realities of Motherhood
Motherhood can look picture perfect on social media and it can be easy to fall into a trap of comparing what other's lives look like to my own. I limit the amount of time I spend scrolling and when I catch myself thinking about the differences between my life and other mums, I remind myself that it's a highlight reel. The challenging moments that mums experience and the realities of motherhood are spoken about to varying degrees depending on the platform.
On the mornings where there's been several tantrums before it's 10am and it feels like we're never going to make it outside the front door, I remember that challenging moments pass. During times when emotions feel like a storm there can be moments of calmness and resilience of remembering that emotions are simply energy in motion.
There are times when I notice my emotions building up inside and my mind going to a space of feeling overwhelmed. However, I remember that bringing patience and holding space for allowing rather than trying to change my toddlers actions will help the stormy feelings pass.
When i'm navigating juggling work and motherhood facing the tiredness and ups and downs of motivation, I remember that it's ok to slow down. Bodies aren't machines that were built to keep going and going without a break. I have dips in energy some days that can last a few minutes or hours. Learning to know what to say “no” to and where to focus my energy helps develop self-trust in knowing that my body has given me signals. It's my responsibility to listen to them and not go against my instincts.
Reframing Failure
There are moments of doubt that creep in when I think “I don't know enough” or that “I can't do X because xyz.” When deep down I know it's a fear of the unknown and hesitancy to take a step outside my comfort zone in case I “fail”. However, when unhelpful thoughts like this come into my mind I remind myself that I can do hard things and there are things I've gone through that felt like they would be impossible or that there wouldn't be a positive outcome before.
Knowing that no one can predict what's going to happen in each moment and that even if I think I've “failed”, failure is an opportunity to learn. Not something that needs to be dwelled upon and that means that the same outcome will happen again.
When you feel like the expectations of motherhood and life outside of being a mum don't match the realities of motherhood, remember that the only person who can be the leader and expert in your life is you. The expectations are often from others that become internalised and believed to be the truth that you feel that you need to do. This can lead to internal pressure building that puts you in a conflicting mindset about what you ‘should do’ and what you actually want to do.
Looking ahead
I'm someone who likes to create time to think about what I want to do and how I would like to develop as a person personally and professionally.
This is what I guide mums through, by helping you to rediscover what makes you feel like you beyond the roles and expectations that come from being a mum.
When you're ready to build your determination and motivation in life outside motherhood and explore your next steps, you can start growing your self-trust and confidence with my Confidence Bundle.
Find out how to start the new year confidently and move through each day becoming more like your true self.