Regain Confidence in Motherhood

Once you enter motherhood it strips back the layers of who you were and who you are becoming. This can include a new journey of self-discovery to find yourself again and building  self-confidence after having a baby. 

The changes that are discussed a lot are physical changes and the pressure, internally or externally, to “bounce back” to your pre-motherhood body. 

Yet what sometimes feels more of a hidden aspect is the identity shift in motherhood. It can feel like something that wasn't expected and leave you wondering “How do I rediscover myself?” and where do I even begin? 

In this article, I'll share how you can begin finding yourself again so you can build confidence in life beyond motherhood. 

Losing identity in motherhood

When you have a sense of who you are and what you enjoy in life, the transition to becoming a mum can feel like you've lost yourself.

During a conversation with a client I asked her “What do you want to do that is for you?” She took a few moments to answer before replying, “I don't know.”

What I've realised from being a mum, and from working with mums and families for almost a decade, is focusing on yourself can feel scary. When your life is filled with thinking about and looking after your child/children you'll start noticing there is limited mental space left to focus on yourself. This can lead to having an identity shift, and/or an identity crisis, that can creep up on you. You may start to realise that you don’t know who you are anymore beyond motherhood. 

There can be a disconnect between who you are and who you want to be. This includes how you want to feel. If you're someone who used to feel confident about what your life would look like, such as your career and relationships, the instant change and social connections (or lack of) can feel overwhelming.

What I found helpful, on my journey of self-reflection and discovery, was learning to follow my intuition and building my self-trust. You might find yourself asking “Who even am I?” after becoming a mum. When you start listening to your intuition when making decisions and reflecting on who you want to become in your new identity it helps you connect back to yourself. I share more about this inside Inner Compass and ‘How to Find Yourself Again After Becoming a Mum’. 

Taking small steps can be the change that's needed to start growing your confidence to become the version of yourself. This can lead to you recognising yourself again and feeling more present within yourself.

Sense of belonging

Having a sense of belonging and connection can be a big part of motherhood. I began realising that the things I used to do before entering motherhood felt like a lifetime ago. 

The seasons of motherhood create such a variety of feelings and emotions about your place in the world. Over the last few years, I've reflected on my connections with people I've met throughout my life. When you're working and meeting up with friends, and generally socialising, before having a child there are things that you'll have in common. However, after leaving work to go on maternity leave, or simply due to the huge change of routine, the sense of belonging which was tied to common interests can fall away if they no longer align with your current experience.

The topic of conversation with other mums becomes centred around your children. Conversations turn to what your child has been doing and it might feel like a rarity when you talk about yourself in much depth. Unless you find someone who has something else in common with you. These conversations may create a feeling of belonging and connection with others who understand where you're at in life and have similar experiences relating to children. 

However, at the same time there could be a gap in where you feel you belong. Friendships with other mums at groups or events may come, but it could  feel like small talk conversations are the norm and you don't see or speak to them outside of the space you attend. You could have a desire to find people to connect with that have similar interests and future goals to you outside of your mum responsibilities. 

Plus, you might notice that the friends you used to regularly meet up with don't seem as close anymore and your priorities in life are different to theirs.

What I found useful when thinking about belonging and social connections was reflecting on what I was previously interested in from my old life and asking myself if this was something I wanted to take into my new life. This helped me decide what spaces I wanted to be in, and think about where I could connect with people with similar interests. You can do this online and in person. When you create time to think about what is important to you, and how important that certain thing is, it can give you a sense of belief in yourself that you can rediscover who you are outside of motherhood. 

Focus on your strengths 

When you’re speaking about yourself how often do you make positive comments about yourself?

It can be easier to say things that you think you aren’t good at or what you ‘should’ be doing, than to think about and speak about the things you are good at. When you create time, even small moments, to reflect on “What am I good at?” you can begin shifting your focus to your strengths. This can help you to grow your confidence and self-belief about how you’re continuing to grow within motherhood and in your life outside of being a mum.

When I was thinking about my work life. and the direction I wanted to go in my work life, I used to think about what things I couldn’t do and have the things that were my strengths at the back of my mind. It wasn’t until I sat with this and told myself that the things I thought I couldn’t do wasn’t a bad thing, I just had to develop my skills and experience in that area. I then began thinking about what have I done before, based on my strengths, that went well? I started shifting my mindset to become a growth mindset and developing more positive thinking and self-talk. 

This can be something you can do too. Whenever you have a thought that is unhelpful, and doesn’t make you feel good, try flipping it around to reframing it to what part of this thought could be built upon to help me grow in this current period in my life.

Next steps: Boosting your confidence in motherhood

Motherhood brings change in ways that are expected and unexpected. You can start growing your confidence by taking small steps to focus on who you are beneath the mental load, responsibilities and daily motherhood tasks. When you become intentional about how you move through life and where you give your energy, and recognise what might take your energy away, you can start building your self-confidence and self-belief.

When you’re ready to find out more ways to grow your confidence after becoming a mum, have a look at my Confidence Bundle to go at your own pace. Or for personalised 1:1 support sign up to work with me inside Empower.