Living with Undiagnosed ADHD: What I Learned Through ADHD Screenings and Self-Discovery

I’ve always been forgetful when remembering names. It can be as soon as 30 seconds after someone tells me their name that I forget. It isn’t that I don’t want to know their name and don’t pay attention. I just can’t retain the information in my mind. Unless they have a name badge on, or someone else says their name in a conversation, it evaporates from my mind. I didn't realise that forgetfulness, amongst all the other signs, pointed towards ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).

In this blog post I share my journey of learning that I have undiagnosed ADHD as an adult and how I use my experience to support others.

Resonating with the ADHD symptoms in girls and women

I have worked with children who were diagnosed and undiagnosed with ADHD, most of whom were boys. I didn’t have as much knowledge and awareness of ADHD signs in girls and I didn’t know any other women in real life who have ADHD. Although, after becoming a mum and connecting with other mums at groups, I became friends with quite a few mums who are also undiagnosed with ADHD, it's like we unknowingly gravitated to each other!

I started looking into more about what does ADHD in women look like?

Thinking back to my school days, I can see how ADHD symptoms in girls' can often be harder to notice, especially if they don’t display signs of hyperactivity.

I would overthink everything in the classroom. Would I have to speak aloud in class? What if I made a mistake when reading out in class/in a group? This was one of the things I hated the most while I sat and waited until it was my turn to read a line or lines in a book. I was described as ‘shy’ and ‘painfully shy’ in my school reports by teachers as I would never put my hand up in class to answer a question.

It wasn’t until I went to university that I started pushing myself out of my comfort zone and spoke more in class and raised my hand to answer questions. I feel that I have inattentive type ADHD more so than hyperactive, based on researching the different subtypes.

Taking a screening test for ADHD in adults as a first step

I didn’t know, and hadn’t thought about looking up, screening for ADHD in adults online until a friend told me that there is a screening test through the NHS.

Initially after receiving the result from my first screening test, I had a mixture of emotions and thoughts swirling around my head. A small sense of doubt made me do more screening tests and research. Yet, all the tests showed that I was very likely to have ADHD.

After receiving the results from several tests, attending GP appointments, being referred to be assessed for ADHD, being signposted for ways to access support for managing symptoms, speaking with family, and more researching, I reached the point of acceptance that I have undiagnosed ADHD.

Through this journey I also discovered that I have Hypermobility Disorder, which is often associated with ADHD. I was told that my arms looked like they were hypermobile during my yoga teacher training, but I didn't realise that I had been diagnosed with hypermobility as a young baby.

I felt a sense of relief that there was a reason behind my brain having racing thoughts 24/7. I hadn’t realised that not everyone’s brain had so many overlapping and non-stop thoughts until I spoke to more people (neurodivergent and neurotypical) about the ADHD signs that I have.

Time blindness, doom piles, hyperfocusing into the early hours, jumping from task to task like a Sim, impulsiveness, forgetfulness, hypersensitivity (I didn't realise that everyone can’t hear the buzz of electricity!), and more all started to make sense.

Although I don’t have an official diagnosis yet, I feel that I’m able to meet myself with more kindness and understanding, which has been an ongoing journey that I started since discovering mindfulness and yoga.

Self-Diagnosed ADHD

On a deeper level, and as someone who is very intuitive and an empath, I know that I have ADHD.

I’m very much a daydreamer and a sensitive person. I realise now that when receiving feedback and criticism, even constructive criticism, triggered what I now know is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). RSD isn't something that can be diagnosed, however people with ADHD can experience it. I hadn't heard about this before until I started researching more. I thought that it was normal to overthink and try to be a people pleaser. I recently read an interesting article on ADHD and it connected more dots to my people pleasing tendencies (that I've been working on overcoming).

For a long time I was putting everyone else’s needs before my own through people pleasing, wanting to avoid conflict, and overcommitting has led me to nearly reaching burnout around eight years ago has made me realise that I had been ADHD masking which was exhausting.

I feel like since becoming a mum my realisation and symptoms of having ADHD have been amplified. I hadn’t thought about them as much before, and wouldn’t have thought that I was neurodivergent. However, I wasn't completely surprised as I have two neurodivergent siblings and other neurodivergent relatives.

I think after having a year of maternity leave, and not returning to my role as an employee, has made me realise that for a long time (my whole life) I’ve been masking my ADHD symptoms. I’ve had a complete life shift and spend a lot of time on a journey of self-discovery both from the point of view from becoming a first time mum and to realising that I have undiagnosed ADHD.

How mindfulness helps manage ADHD symptoms

One of the ways that I manage my energy and quieten my mind is by walking every day, rain or shine I'll be outside on a buggy walk somewhere. When I'm in nature I feel more able to become present and use my surroundings to feel grounded.

I started learning about mindfulness before my self-discovery of ADHD. Upon reflection, I realised that mindfulness was the answer to ‘How to slow down an overactive brain?’. Training my brain to use specific anchors to focus has been a tool that I've incorporated into my life since I studied my first mindfulness course.

If you're someone who has ever thought ‘Can mindfulness help ADHD?’. The answer is yes, it can. It's helped me develop my self-awareness and has been a powerful tool to manage stress and feel grounded, especially during the rollercoaster that is motherhood!

My previous clients, who were mums with ADHD, have also experienced the benefits of mindfulness in her life. One in particular hadn’t found mindfulness courses to work for her before, however after joining my online course she noticed the impact the practical and beginner-friendly practices made to her and her family’s life.

If you are a neurodivergent parent who has tried a mindfulness class before but found that your mind was too busy, the techniques I share are a variety of ways that you can bring mindfulness into your daily life and don’t need to sit still in silence everyday.

I create my offers for neurodivergent parents and parents with neurodivergent children to be an empathetic guide for looking after your mental health and wellbeing when neurodivergent parenting or caregiving.

Living with undiagnosed ADHD: Final Thoughts

Having space to reflect and process being neurodivergent has been an insightful journey that I'll be uncovering and learning to navigate for the foreseeable.

If you would like guidance on how to feel more present and grounded as a neurodivergent parent or a parent with a neurodivergent child, with limited time over the summer months, my 7-day mini audio course and/or summer holiday messaging support can help you with this.

You’ll discover how to slow down and reduce feeling overwhelmed during the holiday season and beyond.