What Does it Mean to Find Yourself After Motherhood?

Finding yourself outside of your roles and responsibilities you currently have.

This post came from speaking with other mums and exploring what you actually want your life to look like. Sometimes, the term “finding yourself” can sound abstract and unrelatable. When in simple terms it basically means what you believe to be the most important things to you and how you show up in everyday life as feeling like you’re being true to yourself.

This was sparked from having conversations with other mums and thinking about what you actually want your life to look like. Sometimes, the term “finding yourself” can sound abstract and unrelatable. When in simple terms it basically means what you believe to be the most important things to you and how you show up in everyday life as feeling like you’re being true to yourself.

When you're going through the motions of getting up  in the morning, getting yourself and your child ready, making breakfast and rushing to get everyone out the door, it can be hard to find the time to think about yourself.

I’m guessing that the first thing that comes to mind is what you’ve been doing at your job or with your family. However, when you want to start having more of a focus on reflecting on your inner thoughts and feelings that you’ve experienced throughout the day, it can help you come back to what you value in life and if you’re living each day in accordance with what matters the most to you.

You’ll hold different identities during your day such as “mum”, “daughter”, your job title and more. Having a sense of self can look different to everyone. When thinking about who you are beyond the labels and titles of the roles you perform it can feel daunting to think about who you are when you take away the layers of how others see you. Yet, when you create small pockets of time to reflect on what makes you you it can help you connect with yourself again. One way you can do this is by:

Connecting to your feelings

You can think back to what things you previously enjoyed doing, before becoming a mum, and connect to how you felt while doing those activities or experiences.

When you come back to the feeling, rather than the activity, you can start reflecting on:

How can I recreate this feeling in my life?

In this season of life, it could be that the experiences you used to do aren't relevant to you anymore or you think “I don't want to do that anymore” or you think “Maybe one day I’ll do that again but I don’t know when I’ll get the time.”

When you sit with the feeling of what you used to enjoy you can then ask yourself ‘How often do I feel like that now?’ If you realise the answer is rarely or never, I invite you to think about how you can recreate that feeling.

Often in motherhood, there's a lot of repetitiveness in your daily routine. The days can merge into one, even when you’re doing different things on each day. If you are looking to bring more excitement, and a sense of anticipation that can bring joy into your life, you can start thinking about what activity/experience you could do to recreate this feeling and emotions in a different way that can be integrated into your life.

This can help you begin the journey of finding yourself after motherhood. Which can mean you can have something that can support you to feel more like yourself when you’re not performing your other roles in life. At the same time as knowing and accepting that you have other responsibilities and roles, you can develop a deeper connection with yourself and rediscover how you want to feel while finding passions and interests beyond motherhood. 

It can be useful, when discovering how you want to feel within yourself, try not to focus on “needing to do.” As when you do this it could lead to a mindset block about what you actually want to do vs what you feel you “should do” to do. 

When you take small steps towards becoming the version of you that you feel like a person outside of being a mum it can bring positive changes not only your personal life, but also your professional life, and other relationships you have with people. 

The answers to the questions that swirl around your head at night about when you’ll feel like yourself again that keep you up awake, or when you’re woken up in the middle of the night by your child and you can’t go back to sleep, are already inside you. You need to give yourself time and permission to focus on yourself to find them.

FAQ’s

Q. How do I stay motivated as a mum who wants to find herself?

A. You can choose a certain time of day, or a length of time, when you have interrupted time that you can think about steps you want to take towards finding what you want your life to look like beyond motherhood. My Butterfly Minds podcast episode can help you plan your life outside of motherhood.

Q. How can you continue finding yourself again after motherhood?

A. Motherhood is a journey of self-discovery, when you’re an ambitious mum who wants to become intentional about your personal growth and development it can feel overwhelming knowing where to start. If you would like more support to find who you are after motherhood you can download my ebook or work together 1:1 with me for personalised support.

Q. How can I regain confidence to try new things after becoming a mum?

Taking small steps outside of your comfort zone can help build your confidence and regain a sense of self beyond motherhood. Inside my confidence bundle you’ll discover ways to build your confidence and grow your self-belief in what you can do in this season of life.